Simulated Gameday Experience

Let’s start with the obvious; those of you who have been following my writing for years should’ve noticed a distinct lack of any discussion on the NBA.  Considering I watch pretty much any team sport that’s broadcast in the US (and a few that aren’t – hello, handball!) you figure I’d follow professional basketball, and yet I never really got into it.  I’d watch it occasionally, but never really with any conviction or particular interest in results or players.  And yet, I’m drawn to LeBron’s Game 6.

It’s such a weird conglomeration of events; LeBron is, at worst, the second-best player in the NBA – who’s bound for free agency.  There’s a whole mess of subplots involving Cleveland and their history, their tortured fanbase, and all that assorted chaos that I’m really not too concerned about right now.  It’s much less that for me and more a story of redemption.  ESPN has gleefully taken up the mantle seeing LeBron out of Cleveland, and me being me (don’t make me link back to the whole mess of Mike Leach / ESPN finger-pointing from around New Year’s) I can’t help but think the stinkbomb dropped in Game 5 is going to prompt …well, I don’t know.  Anything and everything’s in play here, and if we’re headed for a 50/15/10, I want to see it.  God help us all, I’m actually excited for basketball.  And I figure if I’m crazy enough to actually watch basketball, I might as well preserve it for posterity.

Pregame: The keys to the game are apparently defense and rebounding.  Either Pat Summitt is now coaching Boston (it’d probably be a step up) or John Madden is now announcing basketball.

8:10 PM (10:00 left, 1^st quarter): Boston’s opened up hot; Cleveland is running their offense through James, but the looks he’s taken haven’t been great.  He looks a bit rushed so far.  If you want better analysis than that, come back during football season.  I don’t know shit here.

8:15 PM (7:30 left, 1^st quarter): It’s hard for Shaq to maneuver in the interior with a gigantic fork stuck in his back.  After bricking a bad shot with a move that could charitably be described as herky-jerky (and accurately described as god-awful), someone fails to clear the interior and Boston gets an open slam.  TO, Cleveland.

8:25 PM (4:00 left, 1^st quarter): Hey, Paul Pierce has two fouls.  LeBron’s got a couple of steals so far, although I haven’t seen a ton of him so far.  After one of said steals, LeBron spends a few seconds attempting to chew out the ref.  Somehow this works – Tony Allen commits an off-the-ball foul on LeBron, which: what?  The Boston crowd seems to have fallen into some vague level of hatred I’d classify as “less than Matt Cooke walking into anywhere in Boston”.

8:26 PM (3:30 left, 1^st quarter): Players wandering back toward the play after getting caught out of position and waving their hands around wildly never ceases to get old.  Thank you, Anderson Varajeo.  Also, LeBron’s stuffing the stat sheet so far – of course, this includes a couple of turnovers.  It almost looks like he’s trying to do it all.

8:30 PM (3:00 left, 1^st quarter): I just realize I saw Brian Scalabrine in a suit.  Score!

8:32 PM (2:10 left, 1^st quarter): Has Cleveland always run isolation plays for LeBron, or am I just noticing all the isolation plays?  It’s not a bad idea necessarily, but it gets old in a hurry.  Also, holy crap does Varajeo know what he’s doing on the defensive side of the court?  Every time I look at him he’s out of position.

8:34 PM (1:00 left, 1^st quarter): I think I just saw LeBron bounce it a defensive board off the glass before coming down just because he could.  I know I just saw him pick up his second foul – weak call, but it makes up for wondering what the hell happened to Tony Allen earlier, so whatever.  Also, I’ve read so much about how subpar NBA officiating is that I’m used to it, even though I’ve never watched it.  Weird.

8:37 PM (10.7 seconds left, 1^st quarter): Mo Williams just burned a good 15 seconds off the shot clock before a shot clock violation.  Boston has a chance to end the quarter up 8…

8:39 PM (end of 1^st quarter): …but a missed fallaway by Pierce just means they’re up 3.  LeBron’s looked decent so far, but it feels less like he’s taking the game over to me and more that he’s pressing.  Again, it’s a layman’s eye here and while I have a general sense that he owns the Cavs, he’s wrested control of the game away from everyone – and yet the Celtics seem okay with that right now, too.  It’s interesting, and in a way that I can’t quite put my finger on.

8:45 PM (11:00 left, 2^nd quarter): Rajon Rondo just dominated not only his defender, but – wait for it – a horribly out of position Anderson Varajeo!  Beautiful under-the-hoop scoop layup by Rondo with a foul.  Just in case that wasn’t embarrassing enough, someone (Jamario Moon?) whips something that we might call a shot against the backboard – Boston fast break, Ray Allen jam, plus-1.  Boston up 8 and LeBron’s back in.  Not that it helps – another miss and now Tony Allen’s into the action.  Boston up 10.

8:50 PM (10:30 left, 2^nd quarter): LeBron responds with a nice drive, drawing a foul on Tony Allen (his 2^nd) and converting the free throw for a three-point play.  Also, I just realized that Tony Allen’s open layup was thanks in part to Anderson Varajeo!  What a gamer.  Why’s he on the court, anyway?

8:53 PM (9:00 left, 2^nd quarter): ‘Sheed with his third foul – and a T to boot.  Good timing there.  Also, LeBron just hit his 5^th TO of the game – Cleveland’s at 10 for the game.  Paul Pierce “charges” (some yahoo called it a “college call” – only if you’re Ted Valentine, son) and now he’s got three, too.  Also, Varajeo has somehow woken up.

8:58 PM (7:30 left, 2^nd quarter): I’m getting entranced by Rajon Rondo; he just whipped out this absurd 20-foot run into a nice layup.  Just blew by half the Cavs.  Not to be outdone, Mo Williams dribbles into chaos, drops a low outlet pass and Cleveland picks up two in return.  The refs then swallow their whistles while LeBron (miss) and Rondo (make) take about 150 steps between them.

9:00 PM (6:00 left, 2^nd quarter): Varajeo out of the game; announcers compliment his play.  I contemplate my own mortality.  Meanwhile, Rajon Rondo is leaving smoke marks whenever he dribbles the ball and the crowd has finally come alive – at least to the extent they’re going to.  Really mediocre crowd so far; I’ve heard much better in college.

9:05 PM (5:00 left, 2^nd quarter): Mo Williams is the only reason that the Cavs are in this game.  All over the place scoring (16 points so far), although he has the same curse LeBron has – 2 assists, 2 TO.  Bonus: Shaq shooting FTs!  When you watch basketball once a decade like I do, it’s good to know that still blows.

9:08 PM (4:00 left, 2^nd quarter): Ugly sequence; Shaq pulls down an offensive board, pivots twelve times on both feet (no call), puts up a bad shot, only Mo Williams comes back to pull down the offensive board, slices back in once he controls it, and Shaq ends up getting the two anyway. That was fun; now let’s never speak of it again.

9:18 PM (1:30 left, 2^nd quarter): Hey, NBA refs call lane violations!  Of course, Garnett was under the rim when that shot went up, so it was a little obvious.  Meanwhile, the announcers are openly talking about LeBron going to the Knicks – it’s cool guys, the game isn’t tied or anything like that.

9:20 PM (42.4 left, 2^nd quarter): Tony Allen just whipped a dunk where he angled at about 30 degrees before bombing that in, and NOW the crowd’s actually alive.  Of course, a couple of missed threes and a Cleveland possession or two later and there goes the crowd.

At halftime (51-49 Boston): It’s a very even half so far.  LeBron’s still on mathematical pace for a triple-double, but he kind of went dormant in the last few minutes once the game got close.  That’s in part because Mo Williams is carrying the scoring burden, which makes me think that either Cleveland’s going to crater or LeBron’s going to step up.

On the other hand, I’ve been very impressed with Rajon Rondo’s athleticism.  He’s damn near unstoppable in space, and while I’m not sure he’s been the best player so far, he’s been the most noticeable one.

9:44 PM (10:30 left, 3^rd quarter): Cleveland’s come out strong, running off five straight so far before LeBron goes to shoot two.  He had a nice dish to Anthony Parker in the corner for three right before this possession.  1-for-2 from the line, but Boston recovers by going to Garnett for a fallaway two.

9:46 PM (9:00 left, 3^rd quarter): And Garnett does it again.  Antawn Jamison (who’s been getting owned by Garnett) launches up a terrible three in retaliation.  That’ll show ‘em.  Meanwhile, that might’ve been the best possession of the Cavs’ last five, since it didn’t result in a turnover – unfortunately for them, they keep that up for the next couple of possessions, and Mike Brown is forced to call TO.  Boston’s up 2 now.

9:54 PM (7:00 left, 3^rd quarter): We’ve entered the herky-jerky portion of the game; lots of fouls on both sides, missed shots, and so on.  Fortunately, Kendrick Perkins and Shaq go at it and earn double technicals.  Meanwhile, I’m contemplating watching MLS.  LeBron rewards my patience, launching in with a nice layup (rimmed out), then ripping the board out of Perkins’ hands before whipping it back to Shaq for a free two.

9:57 PM (6:00 left, 3^rd quarter): LeBron just skies in to take a board off a FT; this doesn’t sound like much in print, but he came from 35 feet away to get that.  This feels like he’s warming up, I hope.  Meanwhile, he’s got 12 boards to go with his 13 points.

9:58 PM (5:00 left, 3^rd quarter): Anderson Varajeo!   Of course, Garnett still drains the shot but at least he tried there.

9:59 PM (also 5:00 left): That was a “New York Knicks” chant there, wasn’t it? I thought I heard that correctly.  And yes, it was directed at Varajeo, how’d you know?  I’m working up a pretty good hate train for him – at least it reads that way.  Really, he’s just like a big goofy mascot to me.

10:02 PM (3:30 left, 3^rd quarter): Boston’s gone on a mini-run (sparked in part by Varajeo walking around complaining that he’s bleeding) and they’re now up 9.  We’re in danger territory here.

10:06 PM (3:00 left, 3^rd quarter): Boston really should have momentum here, but a LeBron steal off a deflected pass followed by a fuck-the-open-man-I’m-getting-two drive and a foul has turned the crowd on its head.  I keep on waiting for it, and it keeps on almost happening, but he’s forcing it.  Meanwhile, Boston’s taking what comes to them and they’re now up 12.  It’s not game yet, but we’re closing in on it.

10:09 PM (1:30 left, 3^rd quarter): The announcers keep on going on about how LeBron just needs to take over, and here’s the thing; he’s trying to.  But he’s trying too hard – he’s trying to grapple with the game that’s just not coming to him.  I think he can take over still, but he needs to be a bit smarter and a bit more patient.

10:14 PM (end of the 3^rd quarter): Tony Allen did a good job shutting LeBron down on the Cavs’ previous possession, playing patient and stripping the ball when the opportunity presented itself.  He’s rewarded by getting an opportunity to brick a couple of free throws, which he does admirably.  But he picks up another strip on the last shot of the quarter.

At this point, Boston’s up 9 and I’m not sure Cleveland can come back.

10:20 PM (11:45 left, 4^th quarter): Is Rajon Rondo even aware of half the things he can do?  Because the things he does are staggering – he just dropped a one-handed bank shot in with no real effort.

10:25 PM (9:30 left, 4^th quarter): LeBron just hit back-to-back threes.  Cleveland’s back in this after all – down 4, the crowd is silent, and Boston’s taking a TO.

10:30 PM (8:30 left, 4^th quarter): Flip side of the coin – LeBron dribbles it off his foot, Rondo with an easy 2.  Meanwhile, Anderson Varajeo is fucking up offensive opportunities – Paul Pierce drains a three after another miss and Boston’s up 9.  If this is rope-a-dope, it’s working.

10:35 PM (6:30 left, 4^th quarter): One of the announcers has started sounding like Dick Vitale.  Meanwhile, ‘Sheed hits a three, another Cleveland turnover, and Garnett kills the break with a vicious dunk.  Boston by 14, and …well, this might be game.  LeBron’s trying to take over – and he’s closer than he’s been.  But his teammates are god-awful right now, missing open shots galore.

10:42 PM (4:00 left, 4^th quarter): Antawn Jamison: 1-8.  He’s gotten three good looks from LeBron.  Boston’s still up 14; we’re in game over territory, so I’m closing this up.

LeBron played …decently.   I can’t fault him too much for not making a ton of the massive defensive pile the Celtics threw at him, but the nine turnovers set the tone to 22 Cavs turnovers.  The weird thing is given his line – which certainly wasn’t bad at 27 points, 19 (!) boards, and 10 assists, with a few steals and a block thrown in there – he wasn’t comfortable with owning the game.  I’m not sure if he just can’t do it or he was hamstrung by his team, but Boston was more than content to let LeBron try and do everything and just throw bodies at him.  By all rights, LeBron should’ve had 15+ assists, but Cleveland’s inability to make open shots doomed them.

The $100,000,000 question is where LeBron goes from here, but that’s an issue to be dealt with at another time.  Or, if you’re ESPN, to be dealt with every 10 minutes from now until July 1^st.

Tags: basketball